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Temptation: The choice to make life easier (or harder) on/for ourselves

“…’You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing…The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods.” – Psalm 16:2,4

I needed to run into a department store to pick up…I don’t even remember what it was, now….but it doesn’t matter, anyway. It was going to be a quick stop, so as I pulled into my parking space, I asked my two kids if they wanted to join me or wait in the car. My daughter, Evelyn opted to stay in the car. “Really?” my 10 year-old son Alex challenged. “They have toys in there.” Without missing a beat: “I know,” Evelyn responded. “And I don’t need that kind of temptation right now.”

Try to not chuckle out loud as a parent overhearing your seven year-old talk so unwittingly big…and mature.

In that moment, at least.

Her short life experience has taught her that putting herself in an environment that will spark her cravings–perhaps cravings that didn’t even exist in her mind minutes earlier–and not seeing them fulfilled, will result in little more than disappointment. Disappointment that also didn’t exist prior to walking into the situation. She doesn’t have money for anything, and she knows, in our family, just because you want a toy or whatever, that doesn’t mean you just get it.

So, in her wise-beyond-her years elementary school logic, why even bother making life harder on herself? My son, on the other hand? Yeah, like most kids his age, he seems to be in a constant cycle of lust-turned to hope-turned to emotional-wreckage due to the willful exposure to things he suddenly can’t live without…only to find out he’s going to have to find away to live without them. At least until he saves up enough money to purchase that item on his own.

Admittedly, my son comes by this tendency right. Whether he even knows it or not at this point in his life, he’s a lot like his father.

I’ve spent way too much of my adult life facing the painful back end of a choice I thought would bring me some kind of pleasure. Some more dismal than others.

*There’s the moment I craved a certain article of clothing that I didn’t need but thought would make me look cool. I went to the store, spent more money than I really should have on it, was embarrassingly late to an important meeting due to a slow checkout line, and ultimately realized the clothing was cheaply made and I ruined it after one wear.

*There’s the moment I succumbed to the urge to make myself look good by making a work colleague look not-so-good and shared some confidential and personal information I’d learned to a group of other industry peers over a late-night dinner conversation. Only to spend several days later feeling sick to my stomach because I’d broken confidence, potentially altered others’ opinion about this person on my account, and feared that information getting back to the person who shared it. Not to mention, does anyone ever really walk away from someone who just gossiped and like and/or trust that person more than they did before the gossip?

*There’s the moment–as a married man–I decided I wanted to win over a hurting, female co-worker (whom I also found attractive), and stopped by the coffee shop on the way to work one morning to get her favorite coffee as a self-indulgent act of chivalry. Only to open the door to what would be an extramarital relationship that would break apart my marriage to eventual divorce and cost me the job that I very much enjoyed three months later.

…And there have been countless other instances where I walked through a door with flashing warning signs all over it (some, the same door over and over) thinking it’d make my life better…this time; but only result in a deeper hurt, sadness, guilt and shame than the heart-emptiness I tried to fill ever was. When I thought I needed to put someone who was annoying me in their place; when I drove over to a single woman’s house late at night for a drink and “to just hang out;” when I spent most of my time at a gathering of my friends or family ignoring them (especially my own kids…ugh) as I incessantly tried to manufacture the perfect social media post to proclaim how awesome I was for doing something awesome.

This isn’t an airing of my wrongs for the sake of self-condemnation. Anyone reading this can relate to one+ of these examples. And that’s why I articulate them here, because we’re all running after other gods and as the lead verse promises, sorrow (synonyms: regret, heartache, grief, sadness, trouble) will increase to those who choose that course.

I’m naturally a person who tends to put the weight of the world on my shoulders. When I’m living out of my flesh, I beat myself up a lot and expect that life isn’t going to go my way. In my spirit, I also deal with a sadness over the sinfulness of the world and how out of order, chaotic and distant people, societies, and belief systems are from how the Father intended them to be. That’s why I pay attention to the word “increase” in Psalm 16:4. I’m already dealing with some sorrow…some sadness. We all are. By running to another god in the pursuit of eliminating that sorrow, I’m doing the exact opposite. Maybe only burying it for awhile, but eventually, that sorrow’s going to burst out in tragic proportions.

In that same passage in Psalm, King David goes on to assert in verse 11, “You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand (NIV).” From what I know about David in scripture, I have to think this is self-talk as much as it is praise. A reminder to himself that it’s God’s job to take care of his/our pleasure.

Conversely, Satan couldn’t care less about our longings for wholeness and fulfillment, but isn’t going to stop tempting us to compromise–both spiritually and sexually–until our sorrows have wrecked our lives, and often the lives around us.

So how do we kill the idols that threaten to make life only harder for us? Honestly, I’m still working that out. Thankfully, though, there’s limitless scripture to guide me in that work. I start with choosing to belief to the best of my ability that I Corintians 10:13 is true:

“God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

Then, praying–literally–Psalm 139:23-24:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there’s is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” 

If I/we mean it, this can be an incredibly risky prayer for us(!!) Because our hearts in their nature are pretty filthy…and there are tons of offensive elements about us that–when put before a sinless, stainless, mighty God of the universe–are surely cringingly gross in comparison. This same God delights in us, though, so in our gnarliest state (“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1 NIV), we can still come to him and ask for his help to unpack our mess, bring it all into the light via confession, and then repent of it.

In the Bible, Peter says, God “resists the proud but gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5 NKJV).” When I’m stuck in my self-satisfied pride, I’m not seeking his strength. If I think I’m going to overcome any flaws of my heart on my own, I’m kidding myself, hardcore.

Author Elyse Fitzpatrick wrote: “Humble confession is the door that opens streams of grace to me. I know He’ll give me His help when I bow before Him, confessing that I’m hopeless and helpless without it.”

Augustine said: “He who conceals his [sin] will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion. Confession shuts the mouth of hell and opens the gates of paradise.”

I’ve learned that confession is only going to benefit me if I’m specific about what it is I’m confessing. I can say I’m an open book all day, but wow will my pride lock me up when it comes to putting the details of my folly on display in front of even my most trusted and loving confidants. My tendency is to go into details of what happened in the acted-out behavior, but truly, confession is also in spilling the dirt about my motives, desires and thoughts that drove me to the action in the first place.

I admit, I don’t often hate my sin. In fact, a lot of times, I really like like my sin. Which is why the truth that comes out of a Psalm 139 prayer is so essential. As I’ve learned to get more honest with God (and myself), my prayers have changed from “Lord, I want to change,” to “Lord, I want to want to change.” I want the desire to fight it. And often, unless I’m completely in a situation where I’m screwed, that desire’s absent. Because, again, I don’t want to honor the Lord like I say I do. So I prayer becomes one of wanting to want to honor Him.

It’s amazing that God can love us enough to absorb not only our sin, but our lack of discipline at times to turn from it. Not only love us, but work with us and not leave us on our own to figure it out—or not figure it out. And beyond that, work with us to resist getting to those points of temptation in the first place. Which is why, as I grow older and slowly gain more understanding of who (and how and why) God is, verses like Matthew 11:28-30 carry so much more meaning for me than they ever did growing up:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Rest: Training for eternity

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.” – Psalm 23:1-3

“Abraham Joshua Heschel once observed, ‘Unless one learns how to relish the taste of Sabbath while still in the world, unless one is initiated in the appreciation of eternal life, one will be unable to enjoy the taste of eternity in the world to come.’ We are simply naive if we think that having wasted or squandered the many good gifts of this creation, we will not do the same with the gifts of heaven. Sabbath practice, on this view, is a sort of training ground for the life of eternity, a preparation for the full reception and welcome of the presence of God.” – Norman Wirzba

Pretty much daily, I need to remind my children that my rules and decisions of what they may or may not do are not designed to make them miserable. Last week, Alex wanted to attend a friend’s Pokemon party, where all of the boys in his fourth grade class would spend a Saturday afternoon together, trading and playing (or whatever they do) Pokemon cards.

When I saw the party invite, I did the internal eye-roll of the century. Just recently, I’d sort-of-accidentally come across information on the origin and spirit of Pokemon that brought me a new perspective on the seemingly harmless kids game. Of all the party themes. Pokémon. Why not soccer or LEGOS or laser tag? So then I was faced with the decision to let him do the party or…not. Considering what I’d read about Pokemon’s occult themes (mind-reading, dream-eating(??), teleportation, sorcery and hypnosis), in addition to the game offering really nothing redemptive to experiencing God’s glory, I said ‘no.’

Much to my son’s dismay. Temporary, to the extent of maybe an hour of pouting, but dismay nonetheless.

I said ‘no’ for what I believe is best for my son’s heart, spirit and soul–and because I’m accountable to him. I didn’t say ‘no’ because I was bored and looking for a new rule or wanted to flex my authority. And I didn’t say ‘yes’ because it was a typical thing that a lot of kids–even kids from Christian homes–take part in, thus convincing myself that it’s harmless fun (Luke 6:26 MSG).

My point in all of that is, this parental operating is how I choose to see God the Father’s commands and covenants with his children. Me and you. Everyone. They aren’t designed to assert power over us for the sake of keeping us subservient. He’s the Lord and creator of the universe, so yeah, we are subject to his power regardless. But his directives are all for the ultimate good of his Kingdom–not cold-hearted tyranny.

This takes me to God’s commandment about Sabbath rest. Not a suggestion. Not a preference. God commands us to remember and honor the Sabbath. Not only is taking a day to rest a direct order from the Lord Almighty (Exodus 20:8), it’s inarguably good for us.

A few years back, I realized that I got (and still get) annoyed by the responses “I’m busy” or “I’m tired” to the question, “How are you?” For one, they seemed way overused. Of all of the things a person could be, one (or both) of those is one’s best “go-to” in describing his/her status at the time? For as boring as being tired or busy is, at least it’s honest. And super typical.

Unless we’re only saying it to sound impressive, like, we’re tired due to the volume of busyness going on because we’re so successful or whatever (which, really…when does kind of life descriptor ever impress anyone?), by choosing that lifestyle, we’re choosing to make ourselves slaves.

In Deuteronomy, the Israelites were reminded that the Lord, with his mighty hand and outstretched arm, had delivered them from slavery in Egypt. Thus, to keep us from ever being prone–or worse, forced–to constant work again, He made us liberated people by commanding a day for rest.

“Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your ox, donkey or any of your animals…so that your servants may rest as you do.” (Deut. 5:13-14)

Eugene Peterson says, “The Deuteronomy reason for Sabbath-keeping is that our ancestors in Egypt went for four hundred years without a vacation. Never a day off. The consequence: they were no longer consider persons but slaves. Hands. Work units. Not persons created in the image of God, but equipment for making brick and building pyramids. Humanity was defaced.”

Just yesterday, my friend Analee pointed out via a Facebook post how a person is asked to step down from office or ministerial positions after an adulterous act, but is often applauded for his tenacity when he works on Sabbath. Both honoring the Sabbath and not committing adultery are written in the Ten Commandments.

Something another friend of mine pointed out is how often we as believers, when we DO acknowledge Sabbath rest, will still hit up grocery stores, restaurants or other places of consumerism, and ask others to serve us on a day of rest. Kind of arrogant, right? Resting on our day of Sabbath, while still asking others to not rest by taking care of us? Whew. That’s convicting. And something I for sure need to work on, big time.

As I’ve come to understand more what Sabbath is, and choose to abide by God’s kindhearted directive of it more, it’s revealed how much change this requires in the way I live my life. There are a LOT of things I want to do on Sabbath, but not always because I truly want to–I feel like I need to. I don’t trust that taking a day off of work will relax me and put me in a better position to be effective and full for the six days following. Sometimes, it’s about fear of missing out on something. Other times, it’s a fear of getting behind in the rat race that is often my life. Ugh. Rat race. Talk about a humanity-defacing term to describe one’s life.

I’ll end with this great quote by Wayne Muller:

“Sabbath is not dependent upon our readiness to stop. We do not stop when we are finished. We do not stop when we complete our phone calls, finish our project, get through this stack of messages, or get out this report that is due tomorrow. We stop because it’s time to stop.

Sabbath requires surrender. If we only stop when we are finished with all our work, we will never stop–because our work is never completely done. With every accomplishment there arises a new responsibility…If we refuse rest until we are finished, we will never rest until we die. Sabbath dissolves the artificial urgency of our days, because it liberates us from the need to be finished…

We stop because there are forces larger than we that take care of the universe, and while our efforts are important, necessary, and useful, they are not (nor are we) indispensable. The galaxy will somehow manage without us for this hour, this day, and so we are invited–nay commanded–to relax, and enjoy our relative unimportance, our humble place at the table in a very large world…

Do not be anxious about tomorrow, Jesus said again and again. Let the work of this day be sufficient…

Sabbath says, Be still. Stop. There is no rush to get to the end, because we are never finished.”

The Amazing Taste of Silence

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” – Psalm 46:1-3, 10

“Many are avidly seeking but they alone find who remain in continual silence…Every man who delights in a multitude of words, even though he says admirable things, is empty within. If you love truth, be a lover of silence. Silence like the sunlight will illuminate you in God and will deliver you from the phantoms of ignorance. Silence will unite you to God himself.” – Isaac of Nineveh

Like almost everything, there’s a good side and a bad side of social media. I tend to look at social media–for me, it’s Facebook and Instagram–as a prominent, accessible dinner table placed in the epicenter of my house…or life, to make this more metaphorical. Its central location means there’s a lot of activity around it. Like the mall, a church or airport, there are always people around to attract.

As the owner of my “house,” I choose how I want to use the table. I can invite others to join me at the table, where people are peers, equals, fellow sojourners and accomplices observing and sometimes working out the questions, intrigues, joys and pains of life together.

Or, I can use the table as a platform. A stage to attract attention of the people milling about below me. I can perform and entertain. I can woo through sage-like “wisdom” and profundities. I can provoke others’ envy or ire. When I have elevated myself onto this table, the people around it are not peers. They are not really my fellow anything. They are my flock. They are my hopeful followers and fans. When I’m standing up on the table, I don’t need them for who they are, I need them for what they can do for me.

“Wow, man–that’s really overthinking a platform people use to post pics of their kids and fancy lattes.” Maybe? But at least for my own relationship to the communication outlet provided via social media–chronic processor that I am–there is a lot of truth in this analogy. No sense beating myself up over it, but also no sense ignoring/avoiding a very poignant revelation. And it’s prompted me to not only check my motivation for why I’m posting, it’s challenged me to consider whether I really need to post at all.

Or maybe–at least sometimes–it’s better to keep my “admirable things” to myself and remain silent.

One of the verses I mentally refer to the most is Ecclesiastes 6:11, “The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?” It’s not saying to stay quiet, but to be thoughtful with the quality of what we share first, and then the quantity of how much we share it. God’s gifted lots of people in my life with incredible wisdom. For a few of them, as much as they talk, sometimes it’s like digging through a giant box of cereal to find the “prize” hidden inside of it. Others? It’s like whenever they open their mouth to speak, the air goes out of the room. They don’t say much, but what they do say, carries with it a lot of thought and…meaning. Hence the point of that verse. People are more open and expectant of what that person wants to say because when they do choose to speak, it tends to be something golden.

There’s something beautiful about that ability to remain silent. To not need to perform, because I’m busier and more interested in quietly listening to what God wants to instill in me. Rather than me copiously considering what I (think I) need to instill in others.

To some degree, this is one reason I’m actually grateful for social media–what it’s taught me about myself. My motivations based on what I want, versus my decisions based on what I (and others) truly need. What I need more of is silence. And that is something I’ve needed for force myself to be that way…because I’ve learned to anticipate better fruit from that rather than the fruit of a handful of peers’ somewhat-passive validation found in a “Like.”

Father, give us more of this sweet experience that is born out of the exercise of silence. Help us to be still and to wait patiently for you at the table. To be united with you there. Teach us to see the hollowness of our fleshly-need to jump up and make noise on the table for the temporary fix of another’s approval.