“Wait for the calm assurance that God will be your help and protection. Even the tasks that God has asked you to do should be continually surrounded with prayer and inward surrender. Never leave your place of inward rest until God Himself calls you out. Just walk simply with God and do not look to yourself for strength. Your Father is good.

“If God doesn’t choose to use you in recognizable ways, do not force yourself into serving others. Peacefully do what stands before you. Desire or refuse nothing. Whether people seek you out or reject you, whether they applaud or oppose you, what does it matter? It is God, not the gifts of God and not yourself, that you seek.”

– Fenelon

“Learn of me, for I am meek and lowly of heart, and you will find rest.” 

Since 2013, I’ve prayerfully and patiently sought a word that would serve as a theme for the year. In early February, “Rest” is what hit my spirit, which I know came from the Holy Spirit, because I’m way too antsy to think of something like that myself.

But, just like the words that have used in years past (Still, Noble, Honor), “rest” has served as a healthy reminder for me more than a few times–particularly lately. And not just rest, like, not working or moving. But rest, like, stop thinking so much. Or, more specifically, stop doing things that entice me to think too much.

Not unlike 99% of its users, Facebook causes me to think too much. And not typically in a good way. There’s the “connection” component that is largely the reason anyone would say they use it. To stay in touch with people they love. There’s also the information element. There have been some truly life-impacting articles and wisdom posted by friends via Facebook that I likely wouldn’t have found any other way. Nothing wrong with connection and wisdom; but out of each, say, 60 minutes I spend on Facebook, my educated guess is, about 10 minutes of that hour goes to personal growth through fruitful interaction or knowledge.

The other 50 minutes? Comparisons between what that person is doing with his/her life and what I’m doing with mine (and how their highlight reel beats mine). Frustration over someone else’s narcissism/neediness for approval & attention. Looking at someone’s beach spring break pictures longer and more concertedly than I should. Following a heated exchange by two people over something I care about enough to follow along, but not enough to insert an opinion. Reading half of what people are dealing with before spacing out to the next picture of someone’s trip to Destin.

Those 50 minutes aren’t resting. They’re stirring cravings that I can and should be doing without. Pride. Lust. Lust. Pride. Both of those things only take. And they’ll take as much as they can get from me, and leave nothing of value in return but resentment, guilt, discontentment, wasted time, temptation, for starters.

So, yesterday, I shut down my Facebook page. Maybe for only a short while, but we’ll see. I’ve done it before for months…even years…at a time, and it really didn’t bother me too much. I don’t suspect it will bother me much this time, either.

The other variety of “rest” I’ve encountered and tried to abide by is what pertains to the quote at the top of this post. My life has me surrounded by high-achieving, mostly-creative, mega-ambitious types. I see where God has called people into certain things and I admire the obedience and resulting fruit that is bore from it.

I don’t know 100% what my calling is. At least, I don’t know 100% what I’m supposed to do with my calling. That kind of uncertainty over something I take that seriously gets my mind super busy. And by “busy,” I mean, I can’t stop thinking about what I should be doing with my life. Not that I know what that is, particularly, of course. Just that, I NEED TO BE DOING…SOMETHING. Someone, if God isn’t going to make this clear to me, then you, please tell me what I need to do. Help the poor? Help the prisoners? Help the youth?  Help struggling marriages? Help people before they get married so they don’t end up unmarried?

Striving. Striving…

Striving.

For God’s glory? Yeah, that’d be a convenient by-product if it ended up that way. But largely, it’s for my own satisfaction of finding some significance. Purpose. And that search for that self-satisfaction is exhausting. Has been for a very long time.

I’m not passed all of this, by any stretch. But I do understand that in all of these pursuits toward purpose, fruitfulness and ultimate peace and satisfaction in life’s journey, there is a proper balance of continuing to ask, seek and knock (Matthew 7:7) for direction in purpose, while resting in surrendered prayer until God calls me into assignment. In that calling, I have to believe I won’t experience striving, but there will be motivation and passion toward the task. Because he’s giving me the strength to move toward its completion.